Being a dad is one of the greatest responsibilities out there. Fatherhood is an extraordinary journey with unique challenges, deep moments of joy and consistent sacrifice.
In honour of Father’s Day 2024, we spoke to a real Dad from Sycamore Church to listen to his remarkable fatherhood story.
Toyosi Oluwafemi is a father to Zion and Zane, a wonderful set of twins he raises with his wife, Helen.
In this blog post, Mr. Oluwafemi discusses balancing his fatherhood responsibilities, his expectations versus realities, and shutting out distractions while raising his sons.
Introduction
Tell us a bit more about you, what you do, your kids’ names and their age
Toyosi: My name is Toyosi Oluwafemi. I am a Tech Entrepreneur and a Chelsea fan. I serve in the Production and Prayer teams at Sycamore Church. I am also currently a Life Group leader.
I am married to Helen Oluwafemi, we are both raising a wonderful set of twins, their names are Zion and Zane. They are currently 2 years old, they love drumming and watching cartoons.
Navigating Fatherhood and Balancing it All
What inspires you to show up everyday and juggle the responsibilities of tech entrepreneurship with raising Zion and Zane, and being a husband? How do you balance it all?
Toyosi: I think two things will stand out here when it comes to what inspires me:
As Pastor Tolulope Moody will say, man was made to work, work is not a punishment for the fall of man. God gave man work even before the fall. So, I work. Even if I become a billionaire tomorrow, I would still come into the office to work in one capacity or the other. I consider Work as a way for me to work out my purpose on earth.
I know that at the end of the day, I do what I do to take care of my family and stand as an example for my children. When they are grown, I want my children to be able to look back and say “Our dad achieved these things, and we will strive to do the same and even better.”
To balance it all, I separate my day into different segments. I’m the kind of person that likes to focus on one thing at a time. So I have my office at a different location from my home. I also have two separate phone numbers and Whatsapp accounts; business and personal.
I live my life in one context at a time. When in the office, I answer calls and respond to chats from my business contacts and fully focus on work. But when I am home, I mute all calls and chats from the business line and focus on spending time with my family.
And my business contacts have come to understand that I don’t joke with family time because when they try to contact me during my home time, I don’t respond. With these boundaries in place, I do not have to worry about balancing so much.
Watch “How to Make Your Work Work”
These are such great insights, especially the part about business and family boundaries! What has surprised or challenged you most about being a father in today’s age?
Toyosi: I think for me, it is discovering that fatherhood is a journey. It is showing up back-to-back, and not a one-time thing. It’s giving yourself and being available for your children every day. You don’t want to miss a day!
It’s discovering that Fatherhood involves being present in the times my children are feeling strong and in the times they are feeling weak or sick. It is knowing that my children will change as they grow, but my voice and role as a father over them should not change.
I have been able to navigate these seasons primarily by knowing that I am not doing this fatherhood thing alone. I have the help of God, a partner in the Holy Spirit, and another partner in the person of my wife.
I am not doing this fatherhood thing alone. I have the help of God, a partner in the Holy Spirit, and another partner in the person of my wife.
Toyosi Oluwafemi
Navigating Modern-day Parenting The God-way
How do you manage to keep yourself on the right track in terms of raising your kids in a godly manner in the face of worldly influences and secular distractions?
Mr Oluwafemi: From my experience, I have noted three key practices:
The first is keeping the right traditions at home. Some important ones are devotion time, teaching my children to say “please” and “thank you” from a young age, and teaching them the habit of prayer.
The second practice is to always bring them along to church services. It will help them to internalise a culture of being a part of the house of God from childhood. Being around the house of God does a lot for the children and takes some burden off your shoulders.
For example, having them around church often guarantees that they will have church friends and will already know to not interact with certain vices. It just shields them from the world and greatly reduces your burden as a father.
Finally, I model the right behaviour to my kids. I do not underestimate my influence over my children. I am convinced that my influence is stronger than the influence of the world. Our kids watch every single thing we do, and as their father, I am their number one role model.
My sons do this thing where they would get in the driver’s seat and try to turn the steering wheel whenever they are in the car before me. They do it because they see me sit there and do the same thing everyday. I teach by example, by doing it first.
For example, I always remind my boys to wear shoes before leaving the house. One day, they weren’t going to school and I was preparing for work. So they brought my shoes to me and said, “Daddy, wear your shoes”.
They did that because it’s what I tell them to do every morning when they head out. Had I refused to wear my shoes at that time, I most likely would have sent mixed signals to them and watered down the power of my instructions.
In summary, whatever you want to see your children do, do it first, do it consistently, and they will copy.
I teach by example, by doing it first.
Toyosi Oluwafemi
On a lighter note, were there any expectations you had of being a father that have been completely different from the reality?
Toyosi: Yes oh. I always thought my children would obey me by default every time. But, these kids, you will tell them to do something and my boys, especially my second son, Zane, will reply, “No I will not do it”, to my face. And I will be like, “Ahhh..It’s the audacity for me!” Even as old as I am, I can’t tell my father “no” outrightly like that.
But on a serious note, I have learnt that they will only obey through a process of teaching and continuous training.
Are there any parts of your parenting that have been influenced by your own father and the way he raised you?
Toyosi: Yes, my father always provided everything we needed as children. I learnt from him that, in any home, the father should be able to protect his family and never shy away from responsibilities.
What role does a community – particularly one of other fathers – play in your journey as a father? How have you been impacted in this journey simply by being in a circle of other fathers?
Toyosi: By being in a community of fathers, I have been able to draw knowledge from people who have walked the path before me.
I get valuable advice from men who have been where I am currently, and their support guides me against making costly mistakes. Most importantly, looking at older fathers going strong after many years, inspires me to stay strong too.
How has being a father impacted your spiritual life? Has it inspired you to want to pray more?
Toyosi: Yes. Fatherhood does inspire you to pray more. Aside from the length of the prayer, the intensity of the prayer also increases.
Now, you have human beings that literally depend on you to stay strong, so the content of your prayer will change. Basically, you’ll prioritise prayer for your family ahead of your personal requests.
Happy Fathers Day Message to your Younger Self
If you could speak to your younger self about what being a father feels like, what would you tell him?
Toyosi: Being a father is one of the greatest journeys you can embark on as a man. It will develop and bring the best out of you.
There are some abilities within you that you will not discover until you become a father.
It is a fast-paced journey that will task your physical, mental, and spiritual strength. But don’t be afraid or anxious, instead, enjoy the ride!
Thank you, Mr Toyosi Oluwafemi.
Our heartfelt conversation with Mr. Oluwafemi has revealed that fatherhood centered on faith is a journey of purpose, strength, and unwavering love.
When is Father’s Day At Sycamore?
On Sunday, June 16th, join us for Father’s Day at Sycamore Church, onsite or online, as we celebrate fathers and the incredible roles they play in our lives.
We wish every father a Happy Father’s Day.
What do you appreciate the most about your father or the father figures in your life? Share your responses with us in the comments!
Interview by Adebisi Amori and Victor Anih
Edited by Samuel Ajayi
Adebisi, Victor and Samuel volunteer with the Content Team at Sycamore Church.
(Blogposts are creative expressions generously provided for Sycamore Church. The ideas and thoughts do not necessarily represent the position of Sycamore Church)
