In the first half of our LDM interviews, we spoke with 5 people with diverse experiences and relationship status about one single topic – Love, dating and marriage. At Sycamore Church, we recently finished a series of teachings on Love, Dating and Marriage and our 5 guests generously shared a good deal of how their love lives and relationships have changed over the course of the series.
In this second half, we had a number of more interesting questions to ask especially about the myths and most popular half-truths that keep flying around about love, dating and marriage.
You’ll love this edition! But before we dive deeper, let’s re-introduce our guests.
Married Couple – Tijesunimi and Adeyinka Oresanya
Tijesunimi Oresanya (fondly called Uncle TJ) works in the financial services industry and is married to Dr Adeyinka Oresanya, a data professional. They met on “Africa’s most beautiful campus”. They became best friends and, eventually, life partners.
Dating Couple – Seun Adeegbe and Dotun Kassim
Seun and Dotun met in church. They were in the same life group and team in church, which made them acquaintances.
(Life group members, we hope you’re taking notes?)
Single – Eme Agbor
Eme Agbor is a student, social media manager and YouTuber.
If you’ve not read the first half of this interview series, you’re in the right place! We’ve linked to it below for you.
Inside 5 Christians’ Insights on Navigating Love, Dating and Marriage (Eme’s Icebreaker & Seun’s Take on Resources Are Priceless!)
What’s the craziest myth you heard about love while growing up? Hold that thought because you’re about to hear more.
Host: Did you hear any myths or misconceptions about dating and marriage growing up?
Dotun Kassim: “(I had) Disney fairytale misconceptions that if it’s not love at first sight, then it’s not love, and that ‘attraction’ has to be in the lead of a dating decision.”
Mr. Oresanya: “I always believed if I love my wife genuinely and she loves me genuinely, we would never have frictions…(Dey play!)”
Seun Adeegbe: “For a guy ( in my family), they talk about getting married in your late 30s or early 40s. Their reason is that you have no distraction when building financial stability with your career or business.”
For a guy ( in my family), they talk about getting married in your late 30s or early 40s. Their reason is that you have no distraction when building financial stability with your career or business
Eme Agbor: “The myth of ‘the One’. Disney and Hollywood planted it in my head. I’m just grateful that God looks out for his children. So I can be at rest knowing I won’t miss the one.”
Dr. Oresanya: “(The misconception) that when you have conflict in marriage, there is no more love. That’s not true; conflicts are meant to be resolved. The core of love and mutual respect/honour should remain intact.”
From their responses, we noticed one particular brand that worked overtime to plant the most imaginative misconceptions into our childhoods. We won’t be mentioning any names. But, Disney, thank you very much.
Let’s go on another intermission, this one is for our ‘couples’.
Ice Breaker – Godly Date Ideas!
If you’ve ever thought dating as a Christian is boring, think again.
We asked our married guests to share some expos, specifically godly date ideas for Christian couples. They had some interesting responses!
“During couples connect, I shared about our overnight Internet browsing dates. Then (around 2007 – 2010 ish), we’d surf the internet together in a Cyber Café all night. This (cyber cafe dates) is no longer relevant.
So date ideas for married folks: Movie night in your living room without the kids or the couch.
For single folks: a music concert.”
“Movies; Picnic with another engaged couple within your circle; Visits to art galleries and other places of interest; Have a pet project together (e.g. painting, coaching street kids/ orphans every Saturday). The goal is to spend quality, temptation-proof time together.”
The goal is to spend quality, temptation-proof time together.
We’ve touched on the misconceptions that many of us digested while growing up, and we can all agree there are several more of these fallacies surrounding us today. Our guests had some tips for people wondering whether they are making the right decisions regarding dating and relationships.
Host: How can young people be sure they are making the right decisions concerning dating and relationships?
Dotun Kassim: “You can seek counsel from wiser and older mentors or read books by trustworthy authors.
Also, hold on to values such as sacrifice, selflessness, and accountability to God’s standards of purity. Let go of people pleasing and doing things for the approval of men or social media.”
Eme Agbor: “Scripturally, we don’t see the ideal of the myth of ‘the one’. It was mainly something we adopted through the media. But PTM (Pastor Tolulope Moody) touched on it during Single’s Suya Night.
I might paraphrase a bit, but saying there’s that one person out there is to say that God would impose or try to override our free will. And, if that ‘One person meant for you’ chooses another person, the whole order of ‘the ones’ would be messed up.
So my advice would be, don’t have the fear of missing out. Rest!”
Seun Adeegbe: “When your relationship with God is right, and your focus is on his kingdom, making the right choice should happen naturally. It’s also important to hold on to honesty and trust and let go of jealousy and dating secretly.”
Now, for the next segment of our interview, we asked our single (non-married) guests to share their takeaways from last month’s Sycamore Church Singles’ Suya Night program, which was a banger.
If you missed it and still haven’t seen the replay, here’s your chance to check it out.
Singles’ Suya Night – How to Choose a Life Partner
Host: Could you tell us your highlight(s) from Singles Suya Night?
Dotun Kassim: “It takes two willing people to make a relationship work.”
Eme Agbor: “My highlight was choosing to first of all be the right person before finding a partner; travelling that journey of healing and becoming. It takes two to make a relationship. So I should pay attention to who I’m becoming.”
Seun Adeegbe: “Choose a Jesus story with a Jesus person because God is committed to Jesus stories.”
Finally, it’s time to wrap up this conversation and bring it home. But before we do that, let’s go on one final intermission.
Icebreaker – Awww Edition
How would you say ‘I love you’ to your partner without uttering the words “I love you”? We asked the Oresanyas.
“I’d do all the house chores. From cleaning the house to doing the dishes and laundry, then I’ll let her have as many pieces of meat as she wants.”
“Whenever I want to tell my partner ‘I love you’ without uttering those three words, I cook a special kind of dish that he loves.”
As young people living in today’s world, we’re fortunate to be in the era of information, where everything is one click away. The downside to this accessibility is that it creates a melting pot of societal and cultural values, and not everything in this mix is ideal for us as Christians.
To wrap up our interview, we asked our guests what they would say to anyone trying to navigate this modern world and build a genuine love story. They all had some thought-provoking responses, including a blend of scriptural and spicy Single’s-Suya-Night-nuggets!
Host: Could you tell us anything you’d like to say to anyone trying to make sense of a relationship or anyone contemplating marriage?
Eme Agbor: “I’d say God is very intentional about his children. I particularly love this scripture in Romans 8:28, which says all things work together for the good of those who love God. He is invested in our love stories & marriages (that we anticipate) much more than we are. So, find rest in the fact that when the time is right, God will make it happen.”
Dotun Kassim: “As long as it’s built on the right foundation (Jesus), keep putting in the work to build, one day at a time. Also, enjoy the process and enjoy your partner.”
Seun Adeegbe: “Don’t only decide based on who you are now, but on who you see yourself becoming. Would your future self thank you for your decision today?”
Dr. Oresanya: “Take your time to find someone to fulfill the mandate of God for marriage together. It is a truly rewarding experience.”
Mr. Oresanya: “Marriage is beautiful; you should not waste time dilly-dallying when God’s given you a sweet girl. What are you waiting for?
For guys, I’d like to tell them this: if God has given you a kind and considerate woman, make it an assignment always to make her happy. You’ll be happy for it.
Note my emphasis on KIND and CONSIDERATE!”
And that brings us to the end of what has been quite an extended conversation across the three love, dating, and marriage spheres!
We hope you’ve been able to pick up one, two… or ten helpful points concerning God’s plans for our love lives and relationships. Thank you for sticking with us.
If you’d like to catch up with the sermons from the LDM series, you can find them here.
- I’m In Love With Delilah.
- I’m In Love With A Jesus Guy.
- How To Stay Holy When You’re Horny.
- I’m Married To Jezebel.
Victor Anih, Supreme Ndubisi, Lolade Folorunsho, Iyanuoluwa Kizo, Cletus Onyebuolise
These volunteers serve with the Content Team at Sycamore Church
(Blogposts are creative expressions generously provided for Sycamore Church. The ideas and thoughts do not necessarily represent the position of Sycamore Church)