Being a man in today’s world can be daunting. There’s a complex web of factors to navigate and it can be tiresome to wear the many hats society expects.
To help with this, more men, irrespective of age, are finding communities to be helpful in navigating these various complexities.
The church community has provided an atmosphere for all men to find support and grow into becoming better versions of themselves so they can positively impact the society at large.
To really understand the role of the church community in a man’s life, we spoke to two Sycamore men: Seun Adeegbe and Tijesunnimi Oresanya.
Can we meet you? What do you do?
Adeseun: I’m Adeseun Adeegbe. A Medical Laboratory Scientist and a Sound Engineer.
Tijesunimi: I’m Tijesunimi Oresanya. I work in the financial service industry, having been in the industry for over 12 years. I’m married to Dr. Oresanya and we are blessed with 2 sons.
What’s the manliest thing you’ve ever done… and the least manly thing you’ve ever done?
Adeseun: Hmm.. The manliest thing I have done will be driving a car that had faulty brakes. For the least manly thing…I don’t know if it qualifies, but I was so scared to ask my girlfriend out in person. So I sent her an email and went offline for a while.
Tijesunimi: The manliest thing I have done is driving my pregnant Mom who was in labour to the hospital when I was 16 because my Dad was not around. I got to the hospital before calling him to let him know his wife was in labour.
The least manly thing will be giving the nurses a hard time as they tried to inject me at the hospital. The nurses had to call my wife to speak to me.
What’s one skill you wish you had mastered as a man, and one skill you’re glad you never learned?
Adeseun: So for the first question, It will be emotional intelligence and empathy. I sympathize with people but empathy helps me feel what people are feeling.
One thing I am glad I didn’t learn is suppressing my emotions. Being vulnerable has saved me from making terrible mistakes and it has brought me out of mistakes as well.
Tijesunimi: I wish I mastered playing the guitar and piano. I had them but was fascinated with the drums at 7. So I focused on the drums and lost sight of the guitar and piano in spite of all my Dad’s investments on me.
I am glad I didn’t learn how to scope. Back in the days, they called it “scoping” which is just a nice word for lying to boost your street credibility.
What are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced as a man, particularly in your age group/life stage? How has your faith and involvement in Sycamore Church helped you navigate these challenges?
Adeseun: Being a young adult in this generation is tough. With all the tech, social media and information at our disposal, it’s hard for a young man to focus on his path.
When your friend posts something online that reflects his financial success, you start to make comparisons. You also start wanting that same thing he has. So you try every means possible to succeed.
Trying every means then leads to mistakes and before you know it, you’re at the end of your rope.
The bible talks about seedtime and harvest (Genesis 8:22). But the temptation to skip the seedtime and jump into the harvest is intense in these times.
But coming to church and being around people of faith has opened my eyes to see that the journey / process is as important as the destination.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 says God makes all things beautiful in his time. And Proverbs 3:1-2 says that length of days and years of life will be added to anyone who keeps God’s commands.
Length of days means I actually have all the time I need to do what needs to be done. So I don’t have to rush. It’s God’s timing. He’s faithful and I should stay trusting.
But coming to Sycamore church and being around people of faith has opened my eyes to see that the journey / process is as important as the destination.
Adeseun Adeegbe
Tijesunimi: I think of economic challenges, juggling family and building a career. The race against time to achieve milestones (financial and otherwise) is real. But I know that my definition of success and achievement should be in Christ.
My gaze and focus should be Jesus. With my eyes fixed on Him, the pressure begins to diminish and I am able to live with the peace that only Jesus gives. Sycamore Church helps me to always redirect my focus back to Jesus.
What specific teachings or relationships within the church have had the most impact on your growth as a man?
Adeseun: So Talking to the Talkers series has had a big impact in my life. When I was in my early twenties (I now sound old, lol), I was facing pressure from all sides, more like persecution and tribulation 😂.
I was in a state where I actually had no awareness about what God said about some things. Of course, I had the knowledge from the little time I spent reading God’s words but it was not in my consciousness.
I remember listening to the sermon on making money like 500 times a week. I just kept going back to that sermon over and over again till I became like the man who was clothed, in his right mind, and was sitting at the feet of Jesus after his deliverance from the many demons (Mark 5:1-20).
Tijesunimi: It is hard to pinpoint or pick a particular teaching. It’s been the cumulation of every service. But if I’m to choose just one (with a gun to my head saying choose one or die), I’ll choose the message, ‘Sham Sham’.
It shows the power of compounding and showing up no matter what, a little here, a little there.
As a man, my growth has just been by showing up every one more day as a husband, a father, at work and in my Church; doing the small bit I can per time and watching God bring the increase.
And over time, I can see vivid growth from the tiny easy-to-miss growths.
As a man, my growth has just been by showing up every one more day as a husband, a father, at work and in my Church; doing the small bit I can per time and watching God bring the increase. And over time, I can see vivid growth from the tiny easy-to-miss growths.
Tijesunimi Oresanya
How can the church better support men in fostering brotherhood and spiritual growth?
Adeseun: I think most men don’t know what manhood means. They confuse gender roles for manhood. And the man is literally the backbone of the family. If the man does know who he is, the family is in trouble.
So I think the church should provide avenues where manhood is discussed extensively and let men be aware that men can have fun being men. In addition, a mentorship program where good men can imitate other good men will be very helpful too.
Tijesunimi: I think the church can create more avenues for men to meet and interact, discuss their challenges, unwind and learn from one another.
We can also have Bible studies focused on Men and the intricacies of being a man in our present world.
What advice would you give to younger men in the church who are seeking guidance on manhood?
Adeseun: My advice will be to stay open to mentorship. I’m glad the church provides an avenue to reach out to people that are ahead of me in this journey.
I’m grateful I don’t have to make the same mistakes they made because by sharing their stories with me, I have a vantage point of view. I get to enjoy the grace of getting information that solves a life issue for me. That’s the power of mentorship.
Tijesunimi: As a man, your strength is in your identity in Christ, not earthly metrics. Don’t get me wrong, these metrics are important but they don’t define you.
That you can’t afford a particular brand of car today doesn’t mean you have failed in life.
More importantly, find a kind and considerate woman and marry her fast, then make it a goal to ensure she’s happy and satisfied, you will have a very sweet life. But please note: a KIND and CONSIDERATE WOMAN.
As a man, your strength is in your identity in Christ, not earthly metrics. Don’t get me wrong, these metrics are important but they don’t define you.
Tijesunimi Oresanya
Thank you Adeseun and Tijesunimi for your time.
Did you find this blogpost helpful? Share with every solid man you know!
Interview by Loveth Odoma and Lolade Folorunso
Edited by Osham Ndubisi
Loveth, Lolade and Osham volunteer with the Content Team at Sycamore Church.
(Blogposts are creative expressions generously provided for Sycamore Church. The ideas and thoughts do not necessarily represent the position of Sycamore Church)
